MINUTE MUSINGS

Minute Musings is meant to be a space of honest and open reflection as I am navigating my conception journey as a queer person. I'm hoping to become pregnant by August or September of 2023. As someone who doesn't engage in types of sex or behaviors that would create a pregnancy, I've had to lean into alternative options.
These alternatives have really encouraged me to think about what's most important to me in this conception process, in terms of identifying a donor, how much I can financially afford, to even reflecting on my own boundaries and comfort levels on how I'm willing to conceive. Though lots to think about, without a doubt, an exciting journey. I have many moments where I'm unsure but I'm learning as I go and figured I would share in case these insights help others on their queer conception journey. Imperfections expected.

Minute musings:
creative alternatives🍃

  • i'm learning a lot about my boundaries and comfort levels when it comes to my conception process and journey
  • i realized 
  • i'm open to using social media posts, groups and/or apps to find a donor --because it can be an accessible and affordable alternative if done safely, legally and ethically
  • folks who have conceived through social media platforms and apps have said that it allowed them to get to know their donor and truly see if they're a good match
  • some said
  • its was an opportunity to talk face-to-face and learn about their donor's humor, passions and background(s) in a more personable way
  • some donors do it for free, or for an agreed-upon amount or with only the expectation that travel is covered—everyone is different
  • and, people donate for different reasons; some want to help LGBTQ+ folks, some want to create more kids, some for other personal values and/or responsibilities 
  • and those are factors to consider; and there’s no right or wrong answers
  • some donors specifically say they want “NI” “PI” or “AI” on their profiles
  • these abbreviations were new to me
  • "NI" stands for natural insemination which is unprotected vagina-penis sex
  • "PI" means partial insemination which is when the donor masturbates but ensures to ejaculate into the recipient
  • "AI" means artificial insemination often including the use of a syringe
  • some donors have customized variations/asks for their insemination process (wanting support with masturbation, handplay, oral, etc)
  • these alternatives have encouraged me to think about my own comfort levels and preferences
  • I'm curious whether one of these insemination options is more effective than the others
  • this process is gently reminding myself that families and pregnancies come together and happen in many different ways 
  • “even in uncertainty, we can be great”- Alex Elle

Thank you for swirling through this month’s a-musings

Minute musings:
FERTILITY WINDOWS🍃

  • i wish i learned about tracking ovulation and fertility in school, and why some people might 
  • i thought people could get pregnant at any point in their cycle
  • when it really depends on when someone ovulates, or releases an egg
  • eggs that are released can only live in the body for about 24 hours before dissolving; and sperm for about 5 days
  • tracking a period means noting the first day of each period cycle
  • and the number of days in between (before the next first day of the next period cycle)
  • i started tracking my cycle in Nov '22 and so, have only been tracking for 3 months, and am shook with what I've already learned
  • currently it seems like my cycles are somewhere between 24-26 days
  • who knew, I didn’t, i always 'guessed' or 'had an estimate'
  • i'm excited to start measuring my basal temperature and luteinizing hormone levels and learn more about my optimal fertility window
  • also curious about what its going to look like to observe changes in discharge (i've heard about this resemblance to "egg whites") 
  • tracking ovulation isn't a perfect science and can sometimes be unpredictable 
  • this is a new process for me, but am looking forward to better understanding my fertility window and relearning and reconnecting with my cycle and body
  • surprisingly, (attempting to track) my ovulation and learning more about my body has helped me feel more grounded in my conception journey
  • monitoring changes in my cycle and body are where I can focus my energy
  • learning intentionally about my body + cycle has become a form of intimacy
  • i didn't learn about tracking fertility in school 
  • but grateful I can learn now; better late that never

Thank you for swirling through this month’s a-musings

Minute musings:
the search has begun🍃

  • officially starting my search for cryobank sperm donors, Jan 7 2023
  • after having asked 2 friends in 2022 
  •  a big decision, that was met with a few hard-to-hear "I'm honored, but..." 
  • looking for a sperm donor sometimes feels like one-sided online dating 
  • learned that I am planning for ICI: un-washed intracervical insemination 
  • ICI is also know as at-home insemination
  • each vial of sperm can cost anywhere between $700-$1,100, not including storage and shipping fees
  • and that amount can climb, if multiple vials and/or attempts are needed
  • perusing (free) donor baby and adult pictures has made me smile
  • some sites allow you to preview the voice of sperm donors (and some even offer audio interviews for purchase) 
  • realizing I may need to be more open and realistic about my donor options 
  • some donor sites include odd and quirky "staff impressions" (unsure how they check for bias) but nonetheless read and listened to the "staff impressions"
  • initially, I was devastated that I couldn't find a donor in my own circles 
  • but i'm reframing, looking forward to this next chapter; the more I research, the more I understand the benefits in these alternatives too

Thank you for swirling through this month’s a-musings